Keeping friends through trauma healing.
My weekness: Trust
I find myself saying things that are on my heart to my friends. I may come across as cold or not caring. Recently I told a new friend that I didn’t trust her and that it is very difficult for me to trust anyone. I didn’t mean it disrespectfully at all. I was only trying to be honest. She is the one who told me I need to be genuine. And that I needed to tell the truth when she asked me how I was doing. She was always the first one to call me out when I would just say, “I’m fine,” when she would ask how I was doing (I am so thankful she was in my life. I have learned a lot about friendship from her). I say I’m okay because I worry I will come across as constantly negative to my friends. I want to know how they are doing, but I don’t want to say anything that is going to darken the mood. Which is not genuine, I know. I know I need to learn how to talk to my friends. I’m good at putting up unnecessary walls, even between myself and another wanting to be my friend. I don’t want to lose another a friend.
I mention this to bring attention to the healing person. If you are a friend to someone who is healing from trauma, please give room for her to say what is on her mind. Don’t take it personally. If she does step over the line, then, by all means, tell her. Her mind is so distracted and haunted by her past that it seems like she is on autopilot. She will either over-explain or be blunt, or stay silent all together. Friendship isn’t always fun. Sometimes it is messy. If you are willing to put in a little work, reach out. Be that friend who grabs her and makes her see that you are there. The healing person doesn’t want to be a burden at all. She doesn’t want to bring anybody else into the horrible experiences. But it is a relief to finally get the nerve to talk about her experiences with a friend.
I am not saying that you have to be friends if you don’t mesh well. In that case, distance is probably necessary.
So all that being said, to the girl who is healing, take notice of your friends. Get to know them. Understand where they are. Know which friend can hear your story. Asking someone else to learn of the hell you have been through is a lot to ask. Ask that friend if they are ready or want to hear more. Not everyone knows how to take the deep pain and be able to give words back to you. Some people are not able to take that kind of burden. And that’s okay! They may have been blessed in other areas that benefit a friendship. So be encouraged by them in other ways. She can still be part of your support system. And let your friends lean on you. And know that you don’t have to be the one with the story at that moment.
To my friends, I am here for you. Please just be here. Let me know if I over-step. Help me learn to trust. I love you!
This Is Me 